Shhhhh. Be very quiet. Listen.
I have been reading a lot about listening lately.
Not that I have been deliberately seeking out information about listening, but it features consistently in the books and articles I read about communication, marketing, sales,management, leadership, coaching, relationships and people. (Yes, I read a lot.)
Listening well is important.
Ever had a bad listening experience? Think about this for a minute – you have a problem, or a question, or something really exciting to share. The person you’re talking to is not giving you their full attention, they interrupt, they are clearly just waiting for you to stop talking so they can tell you what you should do, or how the same thing happened to them only much worse/better.
These bad listening behaviours happen daily, all over the place – in conversations with people at work, with family, in shops and restaurants – basically anywhere there is human interaction. Bad listeners leave us feeling annoyed, misunderstood, confused and wondering why we even bother trying to talk to them.
Now.
Think about a time when someone really listened. Gave you their time, attention, focus. Didn’t assume that they had all the answers. Didn’t try to fix things. Didn’t tell you what to do.
Instead, they simply listened.
Stopped what they were doing and gave you their full attention.
Gave you silence instead of jumping in to tell you their story whenever you took a breath.
Encouraged.
Asked the right questions. Tried to understand your perspective.
Maybe asked you if you would like them to help. Didn’t give you the answers unless that was what you wanted.
How did you feel? The simple act of having someone really listen makes us feel better. On many levels.
How often are you really listening?
Listening well is a simple way to be a better friend, parent, child, manager, team member, leader. Basically, a better human. Unfortunately, it is far less common than bad listening.
Fortunately, getting better at listening is simple. Here’s how to do it:
Write a list of bad listening habits – the things that annoy you, that drive you crazy, that make you feel as though people aren’t really listening to you. Never do them.
Write a list of the best listening habits – the things that make you feel as though what you say is important and that you are really being heard and understood. Do them every day.
Simple. Not necessarily easy – developing new habits takes time. Choose one new listening habit and make a point of doing it in every conversation every day for a week – see what a difference it makes.
under thought 
But wait! If you aren’t a good listener, how do you know what to do? Knowing that others listen with their whole being doesn’t really teach you how to do that. More, more. . .please tell us more!
@quinncreative and more you shall have!
When I wrote this post I had in mind the average person who probably just doesn’t think about listening too much. For these people, this simple process will help them gain some basic skills:
1. becoming more aware of how they listen (and being aware that they can choose how to do it),
2. thinking about what is good and bad in the way other people listen, and
3. choosing which of these things to do more of and which to do less of, or not to do at all.
If you know someone who is a great listener, observe what they do. Ask them about it. ‘When I was telling you about my axolotl’s operation it felt like you were listening with your whole being. How do you do that?’
‘When I talk to you it feels like I’ve found a sea of calm in the middle of a hurricane. How do you make that happen?’
Some other thoughts: If you don’t know if you are a good listener, ask someone. Be prepared for honest feedback!
If that is too scary, simply ask, ‘I’m working on my listening skills. How can I be a better listener?’ If that is still too scary, ask a friend, ‘Who do you know who is a really great listener? What is it that they do?’ Talk about it. See what ideas you can pick up.
Just a few ideas to get started – not the definitive guide to listening, but I hope that filled in a few gaps!